Loser's LiveJournal Entries [entries|Go visiting others|blah, blah, blah]

[ website | Sweet girls on bikes ]
[ What you really don't care to know | I am Loser; I am from an ancient sphere ]
[ And these are the days ... | Some calendar BS ]

(1 sacrificial burning | Light My Fire)

Adam's phone message [06 Oct 2005|06:18pm]
[ mood | laughing is my mood, fucker ]

According to Adam, he's got '99 problems but a bitch ain't none'

(3 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

[03 Oct 2005|06:57am]
[ mood | There are Z's circling my head ]

Well, here goes nothing. My first day of work and I am nervous, yet excited. I am actually more nervous about parking downtown than my job though. There's no parking lot for employees, we must use metered parking or expensive parking-lot parking.
It will be fun being back in a newspaper environment, only I am glad that this week is the only 8-5 week, not a morning person.

(2 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

[30 Sep 2005|01:02pm]
Alissa and I returned to Odessa last week as my Papaw died. He was on life support and they felt he had suffered enough. Papaw was one of the only male adults in my life that I've looked up to. He was honest, he sacrificed anything and everything for his family, he was forgiving and always made everyone smile.
When he was a kid, he and his brother were on their own since they were like 10. He took care of his brother and traveled around Texas and worked on farms as long as he could. He married my Mamaw when he was 18 and spent the rest of his life working and raising his family.
He always wanted to be a good Christian, but he never really pushed it on anyone else.I remember when I was like 15 and I overdosed on Bella Donna, my grandparents came to visit in the hospital. I had told them that my friends and I didn't know it was a drug and all this lame cover-up story that you tell your grandparents. Papaw saw me alone in the hospital and said "Your mamaw might believe your story, but I know you were doing drugs." then he told me that people make mistakes and it's a part of life. He wasn't mad, he didn't judge me, he just cared. I really wanted to write some things down about him so the memories are always fresh and never forgotten.
He was 74 and was buried just a day before his 57th wedding anniversary, he wasn't rich or at the top of his field, he didn't have a nice house or a nice car, but he was the best person I've known.

Alissa has been so sweet during this, taking care of me and talking to me whenever I needed to, driving to Odessa on short notice and eating church food right along with me. It was also really comforting talking with Jada, who cared for and really loved her grandmother throughout her illness, which ended not too long ago.Death does bring some comfort when people you love are in pain, you just never want to see some people die, even when they are in pain, I guess because you've always seen them as more than mortal.

(8 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

The best part of waking up [03 Sep 2005|10:59am]
[ mood | drunk ]

This morning, we've replaced Eric and Ali's Folger's Crystals Coffee with Rum Island Ice Tea. Unsuspecting Adam is on his way to pick us up to go to the zoo. Little does he know of our experiment.
Let's see what happens ....

(Light My Fire)

Isn't envious cool? [02 Sep 2005|12:11pm]
[ mood | envious ]

Sometimes I think that cats were sent from another planet to spy on humans and study human behavior. Therefore, I do really crazy, unexpected things around my cat so they don't get a good read on me.
Sometimes I even look into his eyes for like 30 minutes silently and then say 'I know you're watching us!'

And other times, I just think that's crazy.

(3 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

Effervescing Eric [30 Aug 2005|03:49pm]
[ mood | happy -- joy ]

Alright, so things are starting to settle in a little here in San Antonio. This past weekend was awesome as Amanda was in town for her 21st.
We went out with Jubilant Jada and Alimony Adam (yes, I nickname my friends like Old Maid playing cards) and had a sweet ass time. Went to Esther's Follies -- watched a magician get impaled.
But then we jetted to some comedy club and got offended -- went to some hard core hip hop club. and stood around while the darker people danced.
We drove back to San Antonio from Austin at about 4:30 a.m.
The next day, Ali's lifelong buddy came through from South Carolina. We hung out at the house and debated what to do for an hour (this was the part of the weekend I consider to be our house warming party) Then we went to the riverwalk and scared Amanda's man by being drunk all the way there -- before drinking any alcohol.
After getting lost a few times, we found some big buildings and followed them. We got flipped off by some teenagers for waving at them and then the drinking commenced. Had a blow job shot at Dick's last resort -- things became fuzzy after that.
Amanda lost 200 bucks the next day at the Alamo Draft House. Her wallet fell out of her purse and someone picked it up. We found it on Monday -- it had a dollar bill and a torn bill still in the wallet.
It was unfortunate, but I think Amanda had a great trip. she drank every day
Adam almost got Jada and Jennifer killed walking through the ghetto in San Antonio.
Then, our five guests stayed the night in our one-bedroom bungalow.
So, needless to say good times abound so far. Alissa and I have a kitten and we've just been living a dream at our new place. Our kitten wakes us up about an hour too early every morning, but everything has been awesome in San An.
So I haven't been updating, but maybe now that things are more settled, I will be doing so more often.
Until then: Bugger off.

(2 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

She sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette [09 Aug 2005|01:37pm]
[ mood | Outraged ]

So, I am outraged about the new commercial where they made "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot into a back pack back-to-school song.
But it is humorous, Alis and I have a good laugh each time it comes on.
This is my second-to-last day at work. I don't think any tears will be dropped as I leave these doors. This is just a transitional place, it's like it's not even real. I don't think too many people take their jobs seriously or plan to make a career out of it. If they do, it's just sad. But, still, not a bad place to work, I've enjoyed it.
I've quit smoking for the third time, officially. It's not even really that hard. The only hard part is the boring times when you really have nothing better to do.
I miss Alissa, I don't want to be at work.

Oh yeah, check out this site: BABY GOT BOOK: http://www.whiteboydj.com/babygotbook.html

The world needs to find a gun big enough and kill itself!

(7 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

Atonement [05 Aug 2005|11:54am]
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it's been 48 hours since my last cigarette.
Quitting smoking sucks, but the patch makes your dreams really vivid and each morning, I recite detail to Alissa about three or four dreams, when before, I was lucky to vaguely remember one.
Last night, Alissa and I read movie reviews for bad movies, this was my favorite from the movie 'Dukes of Hazzard' from RottenTomatoes.com: "It's a negation of cinema. You would actually become a better, more complete person by not watching it."
-- Eugene Novikov, FILM BLATHER

(7 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

[04 Aug 2005|06:17pm]
[ mood | Fitter/ happier .... ]

Fitter/ happier/ more productive/ eating less/ not smoking/ driving slow/pay attention to details/ get prepared to move/ say your goodbyes/ good consumer/ good credit/ miss smoking/ swirve car/ hit family of three/ speed off quickly/ pretend nothing happened.

Fitter/ happier/ more productive/ have found love/ drinking less/ always on time/ keep your faith/ prepare for a new beginning/ pack up your clothes/ go to dentist/ purchase knife/ stab myself repeatedly/ yes, this is really happening/ yes, life is really good, bandage wound/ on with life/ back to work.

(2 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

Feeling like a hooker in a confessional [31 Jul 2005|03:18am]
[ mood | Byatch ]

Life is full of adventures, and when you're Alissa and Eric (not that anyone else would ever be) then you square that equation. Austin/San Antonio was a great trip, we got to hang out a lot with Adam and Jada, nothing but good times were had.
We went to the Alamo Draft House to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it was cool being at a movie theater that serves beer, even cooler when it serves beer to minors. We found a house within the first day and it was just the house we were looking for. I have never been too big on house designs and features, but maybe because we're buying this house and we're doing it together, it makes a difference, or maybe I'm just more into the idea of settling down in one area than before, who knows. I don't know if I will ever get use to the trees and the odd color of the grass (green) in San Antonio, it's so beautiful there.
I got into a 'minor collision' (as the officer called it), but I will never forget the kindness of Jada, picking us up after the accident and letting us use her car the rest of the day. It takes a real friend to let you use their car after you just caused an accident. Adam took us out for steak and really showed us around, they're both such amazing people. You could really tell how happy they were that we were visiting, and soon planned to move in the area. On our last night there, Adam cooked amazing spaghetti as Alissa and I lazied about and then Jada came home and we watched a crappy movie, but any crappy movie is enhanced by the company you share, so instead it was truly enjoyable, aside from her cat randomly attacking us.
Next, we went to ruidoso, got to relax for the weekend in a truly beautiful place. Every day was filled with excitement, topped by renting a boat outside of the casino, where as I peddled my boat, I lost my phone to the bottom of the possession hungry waters. While at the casino, I briefly envisioned putting all of our savings on 19 red and letting destiny determine our fate. But I realized our fate has already been decided on something so much more than fate.
Now, we are pining away our last days in Odessa. Much as Jesus in Rome, our days are numbered yet we take our steps without question or doubt, rather with purpose, as we know grandeur awaits. you may be asking yourself, 'is he really comparing himself to Jesus?' ... but you can draw your own conclusions.
One thing I will really miss about Odessa are the sunsets. The sunsets in Odessa are completely unique. The sky turns to an artists' palette, and the red is like no other color I have ever seen. It's as if the night murders the day around 8:40 and it's a beautiful murder, full of vivid intrigue and a bleak hue of sadness.
Nothing to do but enjoy the time we have, as Odessa is a truly special place.

(7 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

[10 Jul 2005|09:09pm]
Alright, so I have been meaning to update, and today I get a chance.
On Wedesday, we'll be heading to Austin and San Antonio and that will be exciting, you know, looking for the house we will live in for the forseeable future.
We'll also get to see Adam and Jada and maybe do some intertubing and seeing some Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Last night, we had a party for Alissa's birthday. Good times were had by all, a rainbow of Boone's Farm was consumed. Then, Blaise and Charles came over and we had to throw down. I rubbed my sock in Blaise's face, much as I did to Amanda when she was almost passed out drunk a few nights before.
I fel like my Odessa journey is coming to an end, so I am really trying to soak it all in. I know that when I leave that I will miss the giant pile of Amanda's laundry that covers the entire laundry room, I know that I will sincerely miss Tyler's toys scattered across the living room, the stories that Tyler will tell you about his day, they usually end with 'and then I went to time out'.
Amanda and Tyler have been such a huge part of my life, I'll never forget the first time I put on his diaper for him, (backwards, I never understood whe the design is in the back, I just figured it would go in the front.)
There's been so many great things about Odessa, I've met so many cool people here, not to mention the woman I love.
Went to THE Blaise and Charles reception and those were good times, Amanda and I tried to get drunk so as to make fools of ourselves on the oh-so-important evening. Got to see Carly and Justin, but not for long enough.
I think of all the people I have misjudged in my life, Charles has to be the top. I remember when I didn't like him and he didn't like me, it's not like we said it, but it was understood. But he's turned out to be such an awesome and amazing friend. I think back to how he came to my door one birthday with a cupcake with a candle in it and a pack of smokes. It's cool that I really got to know him, because he's one of the most honest, sincere and funny people I've met. And he and Blaise make a perfect match.
I say this in light of last night when he tried -- with the aide of his newly-christened wife -- to give me a hardcore wedgie. Maybe I would feel differently if he had actually been successful at it. Though I did give Blaise a wedgie, and I did enjoy every single moment of it.
I told Jada that I would talk trash about her in my journal post, but I am so looking forward to seeing her and Adam this week that I can't bring myself to. Bitch.
Tonight, Alis and I have tried out the new Espresso machine, the results were mixed, but I feel we will get better at it.
I hope you have a great birthweek Carly, I will always remember the time we went to Six Flags and Dave Matthews on your birthday, those were great times, even the roller coaster that we rode in the dark that injured you.

(Light My Fire)

The rub is on [29 Jun 2005|11:06am]
It was really nice talking to Carly yesterday, it's been a while since we just talked about whatever was on our minds like that. She cracks me up.
Yesterday, I took a vacation day, shopped for Alissa's birthday and had a really good time, I bought East Of Eden on DVD and we watched it. That movie is so bad ass. I forgot how good it was. We got to hang with her uncle, who is a really awesome guy.
I can't wait until this week is over and the 3-day weekend goes into effect, haven't had many chances to swim this summer, I plan to make up for that.

(3 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

In your dreams, show no mercy [23 Jun 2005|06:13pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Alright, so we got our home loan, $100,000 ... so now we will be owned by a bank. But I am so excited, we got to go home tonight and start picking houses. But there's no way we;ll get a home for the full amount of the loan. We have 45 days to find a place, so this will be exciting.
Props to Carly for finding that accident report, hopefully I can get that medical bill resolved. I am just so excited by everything that is going on.
Blaise, let me know if Charles is having a Bachelor party, I was telling Alis that I could hire the nastiest, raunchiest hooker from second street to strip for him. That would be awesome ...
Anyway, back to work!

(3 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

bricks in the wall [23 Jun 2005|12:05am]
I can't seem to figure out if it's good that we as people are always wanting more and so consumed by our wants or if it's a curse. I guess a little of both. I remember when Adam came back from his mission and he was so serene, you could tell that he was really touched by his experiences there.
I am so glad Jada is back on LJ and has Internet again, I miss her so. She was always so easy to be around and always knew just the right things to say. J ada really made me hunger for the outside world, she really helped me think more in a outside the box sort of way, she is such an outside the box type of person. She's a person that's never afraid to experience life. If I had a word for her, it would be 'courageous' ...
She is a courageous person. In a world driven by fear ... where people are afraid to express, Jada has never seemed afraid ... at least to me.
I remember the last time she came down and we watched Shaun of the Dead at the theater and just laughed all the way through ... then we went to Fat Frog and she sang Michael Jackson and she was so confident, and had such an awesome moonwalk. That was such a great time, I really felt like Odessa really lost out when she moved, Odessa needed her, needed her attitude.
Anyway, Jada, I think you're awesome and I look forward to seeing you more.

(Light My Fire)

[21 Jun 2005|11:44pm]
[ mood | smoking ]

So important are my friends to me that I don't know who I am or where I'd be without them.
I think back at all the times that we've had, things that we've done, moments we shared, all the fights, all the strife, all the nights that you never wanted to end.
Memories come so easily of Blaise long ago, her attitude was so awesome. She said less than 10 words the first year that she worked at the OA, and then all the sudden she became this sarcastic queen that refused to take shit from anyone. She had a bumper sticker that read 'we do it with the lights on' and had this long ring that just you think of medieval times. I remember talking for hours in our first real conversation about Kids in the Hall and how she was so comfortable with who she was and what she wanted to do. Charles came around and it did take me a while to see how great of a guy and how amazing they are together. I tend to think of going over there every night or them coming to High Plains and just hanging out until like 6 in the morning, like we did for the longest time.
I've seen Blaise and Charles change a lot I think, but in those changes and whatever changes the future hold, I see them together and happy.
I come so easy to the time that Adam and I were brothers in every sense of the word. We were always there causing some sort of trouble or just talking about life and whatever came up. We went out almost every single night, doing stupid stuff, but just being ourselves because we truly didn't care about what anyone thought. But, i can so easily remember him as the articulate punk kid at Midland College that was a total spaz. I see how he's really grown and changed and i can't wait to be around him more again.
Carly is kind of an odd subject these days as their is some uneasiness between us, nothing i even understand, but I always think back to the OA when I saw her smile all the time and laughed nonstop and we beat eachother up. I remember how hurt she was when she broke think off with Jason I and how I just really wanted to get to know her and do things that made her happy. When I lived at High Plains, I was in the worst shape of my life, I can't even begin to comprehend my own rationale. But through it all, we developed this strong bond that felt lifelong and we'd been through it all and come out strong. I see her now and I am so glad she found Justin and that they all the great things they do.
And now with Alissa I feel so strong, so at peace with myself, so in sync with the moment. I know that we are going to have a life together with a fence and place to call our own. My vision has varied at times but on this it is quite together. I see myself coming home, working hard, feeling stressed like the world had just taken from me all that it could, and coming into the door and seeing Alis there with a smile on face and love in her eyes and I know that everything is completely perfect. Seeing her look at me has got to be the best feeling I have ever felt. I'm so glad I got my shit together and starting realizng at exactly the right time. I see so much with her, I see a future that I will cherish everyday, and I want to thank her everyday for that. No matter what happens, I know this.

These are just some of the people in my life and the memories I have and I hold them dearly in mind and in my thoughts every day.It's 28 years in my life and I wouldn't take a day out, I wouldn't give an hour up and I will always have an interest in everything and anything that is going on. No matter what happens, I also know the value of my friends, the people that enrich life and make it special. And if I've never said it before, I say it now: Thanks.

(1 sacrificial burning | Light My Fire)

If you could see it, then you'd understand [16 Jun 2005|11:24am]
[ mood | loved ]

Life is going perfect these days, could not be better. Alissa is so amazing and such a beautiful person, and we're starting a life together. We're starting this life with no secrets, as I have told her everything about me -- the good and awful. We are starting with no surprises about who we are and what we want. I am glad that I am doing this, glad that it is with her.
I'm so thankful for my friends and for Amanda, who have made Odessa more than just a place to live. They've made it something great. I will miss nights like we had last weekend with Blaise and Charles, but hopefully, those will still be in circulation as I see us taking many trips back to Odessa as often as we can. This is off the new Coldplay album:

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

Hold my hand inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

(3 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

My give a damn is broken [10 Jun 2005|11:18am]
So, last night was great. A much-needed coffee excursion full of friends, pancakes and nasty feet. Seeing Adam is always good, taking him to public places is, let's say, interesting. The crew was in effect with Adam, Alissa, Amanda, Blaise, Charles, Jesus, and myself (like that? Alphabetical baby!)and some 16 year olds that we were all set to sacrifice.
adam munched on sugar packets, strawberry syrup and hashbrowns, quite the filling after-dinner dinner. Blaise found bugs and either killed or cared for them (the heavy hand of God) Charles prank called and fucked with people. Adam showed us his nasty feet. Amanda laughed and picked fights with Ali, Alis did the same. Alis drank coffee, smoked and said brilliant things. Jesus just started chiming in with one-liner insults to people he didn't even know, and the 16 year olds just acted more mature than us. The smoke crew smoked away, breeding insults and commenting on comments all night long. It was nice to be surrounded by friends, food and smokes .... what more do you need? Like old times.
This has been an odd and stressful week, but it was all worth it and all turned out perfect, as it always does. I want to try this beer that is an energy drink. Alcohol and energy drink actually sounds like a good idea. I will report back on that.
Have fun at the concert Carly, hope Bryan Adams brings you back to the summer of '69~

(Light My Fire)

a long lunch break [03 Jun 2005|04:29pm]
I long for you
I make no bones
you are real
real as they don't come
I long for your heart
to beat next to mine
for your kiss
to be my wine

(2 sacrificial burnings | Light My Fire)

The Machina Strikes Back [30 May 2005|07:38pm]
So, after me telling Alis that Billy Corgan has joined the Dark Side, she questioned: 'What would the dark side of music hold?'
These are those musicians that protected our sanctity of music, then abandoned it, for various reasons.

So here's a list:
Billy Corgan -- who is the epitome of Darth Vador
Michael Jackson -- ironic that he would join the Dark Side, when all he did over the years was get lighter, but true, this prophesy is.
Meatloaf -- you could say that Meatloaf was never good, but take a listen to Paradise By The Dashboard Lights first
The Violent Femmes -- gospel and rock mixtures are sure signs of the Dark Side
Nine Inch Nails
Marilyn Manson
Stone Temple Pilots
Snoop Dogg
Audioslave -- I know, they were always evil, but they had mixtures (Soundgarden and Rage) that were both some of our most sacred holders
Creed is like Darth Sidius ... he was never good -- constructed by pure evil forces.
Green Day -- hurts to say it.
Paul McCartney -- Silly Love Songs was so much better when Tool made it.
Bush -- Well, they just flat out suck.
Dave Grohl -- How can the guy that helped write Serve The Servants also write 'Monkey Wrench'?

(Light My Fire)

gone daddy gone [30 May 2005|06:59pm]
Alright, so on Saturday, Alis and I hooked up a threesome in Lubbock and the road was our bitch. We went straight to the science spectrum and saw all the cool/crappy wonders of science.


The Smell of Addiction Machine, which allowed visitors, such as ourselves and children, to get a smell of addictions like cocaine, alcohol, and the likes.

The Feet Piano, which allows you to play the piano ... with your feet. Just like in that movie Big .... we tried to play that with out feet, but to no avail.

The Aquarium, which just had cool fish.

Then, we jettisoned to Hub City Brewery for some lunch. We ordered a mammoth pizza, thinking it would be devoured in mere seconds, however we ate two slices a piece, I drank some freshly-brewed beer and then took the wheel to the mall. The mall isn't that spectacular, but we did see a host of $12,000 lighters and such at the smokers store, mostly for cigar smokers and pimps ... wait, they're one in the same.

Then, after shopping it was onto the search for the world-greatest myth -- A gigantic porn shop where you can feel at home while hearing the movie 'Ass Barbers V' playing in the background, see gigantic dildos, butt plugs, pocket pussy, whips, cuffs, leather and feel perfectly normal -- just like you were shopping at a grocery store.
Why is this a myth? .. .cus there's no such thing in Lubbock. They have the type of porn shops that make you feel guilty ever before you get inside -- that's how dirty they are. All the strip joints there have the 'blinking sin lights' which make them all the more alluring ... or disgusting. Not sure which. I think the latter. I want to see HEB with the neon lights that were like 'we have the freshest produce anywhere, cum feel our goods.' Why do strip clubs get all the fun?

Oh my god ... you put yahoo music on random and what do you get? Freaking Aqua -- Barbie Girl.
Then we jammed out on the way home and had a really good time. It was an awesome trip.

BAD news: Mogwai, the coolest of the puppies, the little runt that was honestly the cutest puppy ever, died today. He was just too tiny. I will miss him, the way he clicked when he slept, his cute cat-like ears and little 'yelp' in place of his bark.

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